Guilt’s a funny thing. You know? Creates some very odd behaviour.
Where has this come from? Randomly I’ve felt *guilty* that I havent updated my Blog since last week. Doh.
I’ve just looked up the dictionary definition of guilt; a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
Like most people I always do my damndest to be all things to all people. I’m a girl and I work in Marketing (of sorts) therefore I am an *expert organiser*. I always used to be the one tearing around after people, shepherding them in the right direction and making sure that they were happy. Or at least I used to be that person. The one fussing and faffing and worrying myself silly – I felt it was my mission in life to personally ensure that everyone was having a good time. All the time. They didnt have a choice in the matter!
And you know what’s even more deranged? I used to think that if people weren’t having a good time then it simply had to be my fault. Didnt it?! I’d spend hours obsessing over a situation to work out where I’d gone wrong, what had gone awry and if I’d been perfect then how much better it would’ve been for all parties. That’s changed these days.
It’s taken a long time (38 years to be precise) to suss out that I cannot assume responsibility for everyone. Or anyone. Well anyone other than me that is. Natch. Its best if I just take responsibility for myself and thats it…. We’d all love to be seen as the all conquering hero / heroine. However the fact of life is that nobody is perfect. Even those people who appear from the outside looking in to lead the most perfect, guilt-free lives – well invariably they are as flawed as the next person.
Striving for perfection is a recipe for failure, since it can never really be attained. We all make mistakes. The key, however, is to recognise when something could / should have been done differently, learn from it and accept that we’re only human.
These days I don’t engage in hours, days or weeks of self-blame or beating my self-esteem with a big stick because I should’ve known better, should’ve acted differently, or simply should’ve been a better person. That’s just life. Much easier if you just accept it.
And in other news: 9 miles on Sunday, 7 miles last night – all on schedule and feeling better and better as the miles / days go on!