So its early o’clock in Blighty – and not so early o’clock here – I’m at the airport, checked in, depressed and my flight is late. Two hours late.
Re-reading this post again it made me think about parents, the relationships that we have with them and the sway that they have on the person that we ultimately grow into.
I’m an only child and since an early age my relationship with my parents has on occasion been exceptionally *fraught* shall we say. I adore my parents – they are imperfect, flawed and a bucketful of contradictions just like the rest of us – but that is what makes them my parents and I love them for that. However its only with age and a large dose of hindsight that I’ve been able to acknowledge something about them; they are both complete perfectionists.
The constant strive to be perfect at all times is an unfortunate trait that was tattooed on my brain from an early age. To meet their expectations I had to be a straight A student, look and behave in a certain way and generally be better than the rest.
I dont think I’m unique in experiencing this – I’m sure there’s quite a few people that would be sticking their hands up right now to say “Yup I’m there with you on that one…”
However the main affect that this had on me in later life was that I always sought out similar people – perfectionists. Some might call them narcissists or control freaks but I couldnt possibly comment. Or disagree.
After a long, drawn out and slightly bumpy emotional ride thats taken the best part of 20 years I finally feel that I’ve settled into a groove with the folks and have a reasonably easy going, peaceful and relaxed relationship with them.
The catalyst for change? For me it was the realisation a couple of years ago that I dont actually need to conform to the norm. Or indeed what others expect of me.
Experience has taught me that I am far happier being my own person, doing what I want, when I want and how I want. So these days I no longer worry about standing out, being different or unique. Its who I am.
So long as I meet my own expectations then I can consider I’m doing a great job. And if I f*ck up – and I do royally screw things up on occasion – well so long as I learnt from the situation then its all good.
Better late than never I think…
Anyway – Theo – he’s a lucky kid to have you as a Dad. Keep up the good work dude.